I haven't posted in over a month. My bad, I know. Two girls at work who have a blog gave me the advice "Your blog needs to stay relevant!". Point taken ladies, you have inspired me to write. I like those girls but they always seem a bit too cheery about everything. Like if you told them they would have to come up with 10 new concepts while being held captive by Afghan militants they would shake your hand, exhale loudly/dramatically, grin and then post on their Twitter's that they are " Slaving the day away ! See you next year : ) ! " ! I think I am just being a grinch and probably want people to be a grizzly bear about work shit like I am . I feel like Mr. Wilson and they are my Dennis the Menace.

I've been getting spanked at work; absolutely dominated. At the end of the day I wonder where it's all leading like maybe I should be learning yoga and stop spending my days crushing hundreds of emails to only get a thousand in return . I guess it's two competing philosophies; one says hard work pays off in the end and the other says "stop and smell the roses" . I don't think either philosophy can win me over completely ; I'm too logical for each one completely I guess. You can't afford to stop and smell roses if you don't have the means to do it. Maybe I am just way too inside my head right now. And I am writing this while listening to different versions of Arcade Fire's "Wake Up". So just getting way too introspective right now . Anyways..I should have just invited Facebook and I could put this whole blogging thing to rest.

THE ROOTS & JOHN LEGEND covering "WAKE UP" ( For some reason even though you have John Legend and the Roots covering this song; it seems to have less soul to it than the original . Your thoughts? )
http://www.box.net/shared/lsp76709gq

1) Lots of Maui locals are angry as hell so try not to go by them too fast in your rented convertible red Mustang. They will follow your ass on their bike for as long as they can, peddling furiously while you watch them in your rear view mirror.

2) The road to Hana is not worth the brush with death you will endure. Imagine the scariest road you have ever driven on, multiply it by 10 then add really pretty scenery around it. If you aren’t the one driving it’s pretty great; waterfalls, black sand beaches, and exotic fruit stands abound. But I swear I thought we were going to get in a head on collision every 2 seconds on that damn road. Oh and if you aren’t sure of your driving skills then make sure and get the rental insurance on your car before you do the Road to Hana.

3) The food in Maui is delicious. It really didn’t matter where we were but every meal we had was excellent. The sushi at Sansei was the best sushi I have ever head. We ate there 3 times in the week we were there so you know we really liked it.

4) Horse back riding is not as cool as you think. People like to think it’s romantic to ride these stubborn beasts but for the most part it’s a painful reminder of why the horse went out of style and people now use automobiles. The first thing to tip me off that our 2 hour ride through the mountains was going to be a little trying was the fact that I had to wear pants...it is incredibly hot wearing jeans for 2 hours in Hawaii. It was like a leggy sauna. I also almost fell off my horse. My horse Shadow only wanted to stop and eat constantly. I would pull the reigns but he would look at me like he wanted to punch me in the face. Poor form Shadow!

5) Willie Nelson’s son has a really nasally voice.

6) The Grand Wailea spa/wellness center is one of the best places on earth.

7) Watching the show “Too Fat for 15” after being in the sun all day is a great way to unwind.

8) Be prepared to be asked if you just got married or are about to get married about 10 times a day if you are there with your girlfriend.

9) If you have to do any Luau there; you should do the Feast at Lele. Delicious and classy island times.

10) Every single beer there tastes delicious.

A sub par Monday . Sitting at work; Sigur Ros playing through the headphones while I look at old photos . It compliments the gardening I did this weekend and the new curtains I put up; metallic looking dark greens ones to be exact. 26 years old going on 46 years old. I am the dude at Wal Mart with his shirt up and belly out , waiting for someone to rub it. But no one will rub it. " Come on! Lady with the white purse! Just touch my damn belly. It's calling out your name"

It’s about that time again folks. That time of year where the air smells crisper, the temperature drop, and large burly men in spandex try to demolish each other. No this isn’t a gay fetish party to celebrate the Winter Solstice...It’s the start of the NFL season. What sets the NFL apart from any other sport is that drama of a season is a fast intense sprint. Each weekend new storylines emerge and new dramas unfold. Each game is important unlike baseball or basketball where you can drop a few games and still come out on top. Each Sunday is like a mini-Christmas for me where I roll out of bed, turn on the coffee maker, grab my laptop and head out to the couch for some good old fashioned American Football. I load my Fantasy Football page up and track my score while talking shit to my friends in the chat room. Yes, I agree this sounds nerdy as shit but dangit it’s fun as hell. Not sure why I needed to write this but I think the impending NFL season is just that exciting to me.

I recently moved into a single bedroom apartment after living with roommates since I've been out of my parents house many years ago. I was about to sign the lease to my new place when I hesitated and told my prospective landlord Helen that I needed to think about it for the night. She looked at me a bit quizzically but told me " That's fine, if you need to think about it, you need to think about it". The next day I told her I would be taking the place. I told her I had just been nervous and wasn't sure if this was the place for me but had finally realized this was the best I had seen in my range.

My girlfriend Erika is in Cannes, France right now. She gave me a call this afternoon which was a nice surprise. She exclaimed that French dudes were perverted. I thought it was just her stereotyping French men. Then her voice cuts out for a second and I hear a drunken man’s voice in the background saying “ No you...I loveee youuuuu “ in a heavy French accent. She responds “ NO DUDE. Get out of my face. I will punch you in the FUCKING face !” . Classic Erika.

A few weekends ago I found myself at a random gathering. My girlfriend was hanging out with some friends who knew a friend who knew another friend that lead me to me a random house in Santa Monica. Despite being tired I felt a bit of cabin fever coming on as I had been around the house all day.

I walked in to find my girlfriend and some of my other friends sitting at a table playing “7-11-Doubles”. A game which I happen to be a big fan of. There were some randoms there but I guess that is too be expected when you show up at a strangers house. There was some guy with a giant spike of hair on his head wearing an extra medium shirt and another dude with floppy ass hair. Like Zac Efron had a baby with Hugh Grant. I think he also had a lazy eye but that’s debatable. The floppy haired dude was annoyingly wasted. He didn’t understand how to play the game and kept having to drink because he just wasn’t listening to the rules. He slammed his hands on the table saying we were making shit up but that clearly wasn’t the case. He was also trying to get my girlfriend drunk which pissed me off.

After about 45 minutes my girlfriend and I had had enough of his retarded antics and left. On our way out we were saying goodbye to the people we knew at that house. Our host said thank you for coming and apologized about our new floppy haired friend..” Oh Ethan is on a TV show...The TV version of “10 Things I Hate About You”....”He’s Gregory Peck’s grandson so I guess he’s kind of famous”. We all regaled on what a classy dude Gregory Peck was and then agreed that Ethan was a dick face.