It’s about that time again folks. That time of year where the air smells crisper, the temperature drop, and large burly men in spandex try to demolish each other. No this isn’t a gay fetish party to celebrate the Winter Solstice...It’s the start of the NFL season. What sets the NFL apart from any other sport is that drama of a season is a fast intense sprint. Each weekend new storylines emerge and new dramas unfold. Each game is important unlike baseball or basketball where you can drop a few games and still come out on top. Each Sunday is like a mini-Christmas for me where I roll out of bed, turn on the coffee maker, grab my laptop and head out to the couch for some good old fashioned American Football. I load my Fantasy Football page up and track my score while talking shit to my friends in the chat room. Yes, I agree this sounds nerdy as shit but dangit it’s fun as hell. Not sure why I needed to write this but I think the impending NFL season is just that exciting to me.

I recently moved into a single bedroom apartment after living with roommates since I've been out of my parents house many years ago. I was about to sign the lease to my new place when I hesitated and told my prospective landlord Helen that I needed to think about it for the night. She looked at me a bit quizzically but told me " That's fine, if you need to think about it, you need to think about it". The next day I told her I would be taking the place. I told her I had just been nervous and wasn't sure if this was the place for me but had finally realized this was the best I had seen in my range.

My girlfriend Erika is in Cannes, France right now. She gave me a call this afternoon which was a nice surprise. She exclaimed that French dudes were perverted. I thought it was just her stereotyping French men. Then her voice cuts out for a second and I hear a drunken man’s voice in the background saying “ No you...I loveee youuuuu “ in a heavy French accent. She responds “ NO DUDE. Get out of my face. I will punch you in the FUCKING face !” . Classic Erika.

A few weekends ago I found myself at a random gathering. My girlfriend was hanging out with some friends who knew a friend who knew another friend that lead me to me a random house in Santa Monica. Despite being tired I felt a bit of cabin fever coming on as I had been around the house all day.

I walked in to find my girlfriend and some of my other friends sitting at a table playing “7-11-Doubles”. A game which I happen to be a big fan of. There were some randoms there but I guess that is too be expected when you show up at a strangers house. There was some guy with a giant spike of hair on his head wearing an extra medium shirt and another dude with floppy ass hair. Like Zac Efron had a baby with Hugh Grant. I think he also had a lazy eye but that’s debatable. The floppy haired dude was annoyingly wasted. He didn’t understand how to play the game and kept having to drink because he just wasn’t listening to the rules. He slammed his hands on the table saying we were making shit up but that clearly wasn’t the case. He was also trying to get my girlfriend drunk which pissed me off.

After about 45 minutes my girlfriend and I had had enough of his retarded antics and left. On our way out we were saying goodbye to the people we knew at that house. Our host said thank you for coming and apologized about our new floppy haired friend..” Oh Ethan is on a TV show...The TV version of “10 Things I Hate About You”....”He’s Gregory Peck’s grandson so I guess he’s kind of famous”. We all regaled on what a classy dude Gregory Peck was and then agreed that Ethan was a dick face.

I was down in Hermosa Beach for my buddy Greg's birthday. We had just exited a bar down at the pier and were walking towards the liquor store near the main street. A small old Mexican women came up to us holding a bundle of red roses asking if we wanted to buy one. I said no thanks but my buddy was properly smashed and bought a $5 rose and handed it to me. He said it was because we were best buds. I thought it was nice in a drunken way but also thought that he should have held onto the $5 because I was pretty much going to toss the thing in the trash shortly after.

I was standing in the liquor store waiting for Greg to buy his cigarettes when two guys in line asked me about the rose I was holding. " Who is that rose for?" the shorter one asked. I said " it's for me". He asked again thinking I didn't understand what he was asking " No, who are you giving that to?" I said " No one, it's mine." I had a feeling these guys were trying to give me shit and I was very wary of them. They didn't look like much so I wasn't too worried.

The smaller one then asked me and another random person in line if we liked roses. I said no not really. He then went off on some random tangent about how he use to give roses out all the time and that they mean nothing to him. I was just shaking my head like " yes, good for you dick face." He kept going on about giving out roses and how they don't mean shit. He then re-assured us that he wasn't trying to be a dick but was just trying to talk to us.

We walked out of the store and I started talking to his other friend who then told me that this dude had been the Bachelor on that show called 'The Bachelor". I thought it was cool because of the random random nature of the encounter. My drunk friend kept talking to the Bachelor about God knows what. My other friend Darcy walked up a few minutes later, told Greg that we were going and then smashed the rose on his Greg's face. We then flagged a taxi and went home .

I’ve been working like a dog lately. I got moved to a new account and it instantly hijacked the last two weeks of my life into it’s hellish womb. I had been working quite late which made it pretty impossible to go to the gym after like I usually like to do. So I started going before work which I had tried before but never really had luck because in those waking moments of the morning sleep usually beats exercise.

The thing about the gym in the morning as there are more old-timers working out than at night . Old-Timers like to hang around the locker room. They like to read the paper naked in front of your locker and could care less about the fact that blow drying your balls with one leg up in front of everyone is not cool to do. Last week I encountered a new phenomena which got me even more wary of the gym locker room; Dudes using the sink to shave while they are naked. These dudes stand there shaving, brushing their teeth etc. etc. while they let their dongs touch the sink basin! I use that sink to wash my hands buddy! Get your shit off of that. Your junk is going to give my hands the exact opposite effect I want to have while using a sink.

MUSIC SELECTION BY DJMG